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Based on their hilarious viral campaign, a new satirical political
party announces its Canadacy for president of the United States
This isn't an invasion, it's an intervention. From the country that
brought you toques and Justin Bieber comes a plan to restore
America to its former glory. The U.S. political system increasingly
resembles an all-chimp revue of Cats, and its citizens are looking
for a new leader. That leader is Canada. After launching their
campaign on YouTube to 700,000 hits, and interviews with CNN and
the Huffington Post, the leaders of the Canada Party here unveil
their platform for U.S .presidency. Their promises: Oil pipelines
will carry maple syrup, so if there's a spill, at least the animals
will be tasty. The phrase "job creators" will be changed to "job
creationists," and they will be given seven days to actually create
some. Corners will be installed in the Oval Office, and timeouts
given to Congressmen who can't play nice. The Constitution will be
amended to address hockey issues. America, but Better combines the
doctrine of American exceptionalism with a dose of Canadian
humility and common sense. Covering everything from economic policy
to gay rights to waterboarding, this manifesto of the Canada Party
offers a helping hand to its southern neighbors before Americans
begin chanting, "Yes We Canada."
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